The first words are the most important

Seth Godin's blog is an excellent illustration of why it is so important to have a good introduction to your speech:

Seth's Blog: Sorry to talk so long...

I especially like the way he likens a speech to a gift. You wouldn't apologize for offering a gift to someone. Why apologize for speaking, unless you really have nothing to say? And if you have nothing to say... why are you there?

About brevity: he mentions that he saw this behaviour at a gala. In galas, people usually have a drink or two. Once that happens, it is much tougher to hold the crowd's attention.

If you speak for more than a couple of minutes, gala attendees will tend to lean over to their neighbours and whisper: "This is kinda long, don't you think." A response will follow: "Yeah, really. I was at this gala honouring Such N. Such the other day and..."

"You were there? So was I, how come we never met? How did you find it?"

"Well, let me tell you..."

"Shhh..... I'm trying to listen!"

This tends to be repeated over and over again until eventually, speakers are drowned in the... hush of the crowd.

The best remedy? Get to the point immediately, conclude quickly, go back and have some fun!

The bliss of raking leaves

We have a big yard with many venerable trees.. At times it is a blessing and at times it is a curse. When fall season comes around, it is a curse! I don't like raking leaves and I dread the chore every year.

When we first moved to our house, I used to invite a whole bunch of friends to come over and help my wife and I pick up the leaves. We'd take about a day, six or eight of us. Well... some of us would work, others would socialize. So for the cost of a few pizzas, and lots of fun, we filled up 60 to 75 bags of leaves every year.

But then, things began to change. Everyone got married, bought houses, and had children. All of a sudden, my yard was no longer as important. So I stopped asking them to come over to take care of the yard. Yes, if you can read between the lines, it was also to make sure I didn't have to go to their place to rake their leaves...

So these past few years, I've been doing it by myself. The routine goes like this: I wait until all the leaves fall, then I pick a weekend and in two days, I pick up all those 60-75 bags. It takeas about 14 to 16 hours.

This year, I only had one day to do the work and it had to be completed this weekend. So instead of raking the leaves, I pulled out my lawn mower and used it instead. It took me between 6 and 7 hours to do the entire yard and I filled only 33 bags.

So by now, you're probably thinking: "Ok, that's nice but what does cleaning your yard have to do with anything?" Bear with me, there is a point!

I did the same work in 50% of the time, using about 50% of the resources. And I did this simply by taking the tools I already had, but using them differently.

So how can this be applied in life and at work? What tools do you have at your disposal which could help increase your productivity? Which tools do you have at your disposal that you are not using to their full potential? I've taught Excel to many people in the past couple of years and many of the shortcuts I teach come as a big surprise to the audience members. Many have mentioned that those simple shortcuts would considerably increase their productivity.

When you increase your productivity, there are a number of benefits: you have more time at your disposal, you can get paid more, and if you do it right, it can also reduce stress.

Increasing productivity doesn't mean you have to shoot for 50% at a time. Alan Weiss, consultant extraordinaire, says that simply increasing by 1% every day is sufficient. If you do this continually, after 70 days you will have doubled your productivity. It just requires focus, persistence and determination. In other words, discipline.

Although it is a simple concept, I find it can be tough to decide which task or which aspect of my life will yield the best 1% yield. I guess it's al part of the learning process.

Dealing with the media

One of my clients had an unfortunate experience with the media. This client has a great story to tell, and hopefully someday you can hear him. Since I don't have his permission to give out his name, let's call him Mike.

He was offered an interview with a local TV station to talk about his battle to survive after a terrible accident.

During the interview, the reporter kept probing to get more details about Mike's life, but Mike kept pushing back. Eventually, Mike asked the reporter to turn off the camera and then he proceeded to tell him that he did not want certain parts of his life revealed on camera. Mike explained to the reporter that some of the details of his life were unknown to people that were close to him, and he didn't want them to hear about it on TV before hearing it from him.

The reporter listened to him and told him, "I understand. Trust me." Mike did, and the interview went on.

The reporter kept telling Mike how inspirational he was and what a great story this made and how priviledged he felt about meeting someone like him.

That same evening, on the news, there was Mike's story. Mike was ecstatic and all excited. The story lasted about 2 minutes, 30 seconds. The first minute was fine. But the last 90 seconds focused on the parts of his life that Mike had specifically requested be kept off TV.

Mike was furious and he called the TV station, but the damage had been done. Furthermore, the reporter made sure that Mike understood that he was doing his job, and that he had done a mighty fine job at that.

A few lessons to learn from this situation:

• Don't trust a reporter: Sorry to say, but reporters will report what sells. What sells, in today's market, are sensationalist stories. Bad news sells. If a reporter says, "Trust me, it's only between you and me'' that's not enough. Always request that what you say is off the record. Most reporters are honest enough to respect an order to be off the record but you need to verify all the time. Do so by answering every question with, "This is off the record, right?"
  
  
• Don't say what you don't want to see or hear on the air: when you are interviewed, make sure you have a clear idea of what you want to hear on the radio or the TV. If you do, you can always refuse to answer questions on the basis that it isn't something you wish to discuss. It will make the reporter angry, but it prevents any unwelcomed surprises.
  
  
• Get expectations clear from the start: before you agree to an interview, make sure you are clear on the objectives of the interview. Make sure you know what angle is pursued and make sure the reporter sticks to it. You never have to agree to an interview if you don't agree with the premise. And even if you agree to the interview, you don't have to answer any question if you aren't interested in doing so.
  
  
• Stay on message: if you are being interviewed, it is probably because the reporters want an opinion from you or want you to comment on something specific. Decide ahead of time what you want to say, and stay on message. Repeat your message as often as needed and make sure every answer you give supports that message.
  

Mike's situation is unfortunate but he isn't the first nor the last person to be "taken to the cleaners" by unscrupulous reporters. Remember what happened to Newt Gingrich's mother when she was interviewed by Connie Chung.

Chung asked her what Gingrich (President Bill Clinton's biggest critic at the time) thought of Hillary Clinton. Gingrich's mother refused to answer so Chung asked her to "just whisper it to me, just between you and me." Gingrich's mother, thinking it was not going to air, replied: "He thinks she's a bitch." Of course, the comment aired.

The next time you are asked to be interviewed, make sure you do your homework beforehand and don't agree to anything that will shed a negative light on you.

Ask specific questions

Yesterday, I started an exercise that I hadn't done in long time: making a list of my knowledge and my skills. After about two pages for each, I drew a blank. So I turned to my wife, who was sitting beside me, and asked her: "Honey, what am I really good at?"

After she told me, it made me realise how important it is to be very specific in your questions, if you want to get the answer you need. In my case, I should have asked: "Honey, what am I really good at that I can use to improve the life of people outside of the family?"

Information is what you say. Communication is what the other person understands.

Information is a one way street. Communication is a multi-lane highway.

To improve your communication skills, make sure your messages are properly understood by the people who listen to you. Besides asking specific questions, there are some simple ways to do that. Let's assume you are speaking to one person:

• Ask the person to repeat what she understood. When she does, listen for any discrepancies and clarify if need be.
• Look her in the eye. Always make sure she is looking at you when you are speaking. Especially if she is busy doing something else (like answering email, speaking on the phone, or using her PDA). If she is not looking and seems to have her attention elsewhere, stop talking and wait.
• Listen for more than words. Listen for tone of voice, body language, intentions, and so on.

The key word, here, is "listen". As many have said, in order to better communicate, listen twice as much as you speak.

Forgive and move on

A recent story in the local paper covered one of Quebec's most talented artists, Patrick Huard.

Huard gained fame first as a comedian. He then made a successful transition to the screen and has acted in more than 10 movies. One of his movies, Bon Cop Bad Cop, is the most successful Canadian box office hit of all time. This year, he is directing his first movie, Three Little Pigs.

During his interview, Huard says that some directors have complained that he is taking work away from them. They are saying that he should not direct a film because he hasn't studied the craft like they have.

Huard also says that he got the same type of flak when he made a transition from comedian to acting.

This is isn't the first time, and it won't be the last, that people get upset because someone tries to shake up the status quo. The first reaction is jealousy and often an attempt to stop the mavericks.

Think of the first women or the first Blacks who wanted to vote. Many were not too keen about the idea.

Think of the first civilians who want to attempt space flight. NASA was not too keen about the idea. All of a sudden, the grueling training that astronauts receive doesn't seem that important anymore. It takes away some of the panache of space flight.

I remember a few years ago, there was a dispute in Quebec about the profession of computer programmer. Engineers wanted to change some statutes to ensure that unless you had an engineering diploma, you could not call yourself "a programmer".

The problem with this is that when you let jealousy get the best of you, it prevents you from moving forward. Why? Because you are constantly fighting a battle to prevent things from progressing.

Jealousy, or holding a grudge, is like a poison flowing through your veins. And if you leave it unchecked, it slowly takes over you, clouds your judgement, and destroys your life.

In his program, "The Psychology of Achievement", Brian Tracy spends some time discussing forgiveness. He says, and I believe, that until you have forgiven and let go of the past, you cannot achieve ultimate success. Something will always be holding you back.

So, if you find yourself seething because someone else has something you don't, if you find yourself angry at people in your life, if your feelings towards other people are keeping you from getting to where you want to be in life, it may be time to forgive.

Forgiving will change much of your perspective on life. Once you have made a conscious decision to forgive, it's as if a weight is suddenly lifted from your shoulders.

I did this a very long time ago, without realizing how important it was to my further development as a human being, as a son, as a brother, as a friend, as a husband, and as a father.

I realize, now, that forgiveness is essential in business also. Many times, I have seen people go into a business deal with an aggressive attitude, with an attitude that says "You are not going to take advantage of me!" This makes it difficult to discuss, understand, and negotiate with a prospect or partner.

Someone who goes into a business endeavor with that attitude may have been wounded in the past. And because that wound still hurts, he may not accept that the person at the other end of this deal is not "out to get him". He will negotiate with a little voice constantly nagging in the back of his head. The little voice will be saying, "He wants to take you to the cleaners. He just wants to make money at your expense. He's going to take advantage of you." (Let me assure you that the same thing happens to women also!)

If you want to silence that little voice, use the power of forgiveness. Here it is in three steps:

1. Forgive your parents: most parents do the best they can with their children. And still, we (the parents) manage to mess up. Forgive your parents, completely. You don't need to tell them if your relationship with them is not conducive to such a discussion. Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
2. Forgive other people: forgive anyone who has ever hurt you, no matter what they did. Once again, you do not have to tell them that you forgive them. Just do it.
3. Forgive yourself: this may be the toughest one of all. Forgive yourself for all of the stoopid things you did in your life, whether you did it to others, or you did it to yourself.

Although this is easy to write, I realise that it is not necessarily easy to do. It took me years to go through the process. And periodically, I still need to forgive myself for the "bad things" I do.

What has helped me to forgive? Speaking to happy people. Reading about people who are happy with their lives. Having a good support group does wonders also.

I have learned, over time, to give every one the benefit of the doubt. To err is human, to forgive is divine. And it's much easier to let it go than it is to hang on to a grudge for a lifetime.

Are Your Friends Givers Or Takers

I had a very short night yesterday, and a very long day today. By the time 6:00PM rolled around, I was like a walking zombie. However, I had committed, weeks ago, to participating in an activity with some good friends.

I called them in the early evening, to let them know that I would probably not show up. Heck, I wanted to cancel because I felt so tired. In the end though, I decided to go anyway.

By the time I left them at 10::00 PM, I had much more energy than I did going in. That's what good friends do. Instead of dragging you down, they push you up.

Do you have people around you who suck all of your energy whenever you see them? You know the kind: their health is deteriorating, their marriage is crumbling, their children are driving them to an early grave. Heck, they're a walking country album!

If you have just one person like that in your life, it can be a constant drain on your life.

Here are some tips to help you deal with these energy-drainers in your life:

• Tell them how you honestly feel. Tell them that they are sucking the life juice out of you and you want it to stop. As long as you say nothing, they will assume you're all right with it.
• Laugh about it. Now, I don't mean to laugh at the person, I mean laugh at the situations. Exaggerate them! When you do, the other person may (yes, may) realize that he or she is constantly complaining. Sometimes, people just aren't aware of how often they complain.
• Ditch them. That's right, if you can't get them to stop complaining and it is really bugging you, stop all contact with that person. If you do so for a long enough period of time, something magical will happen. The next time you see that person and he or she starts complaining, it won't bother you in the least. All you will be thinking is, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Poor child, still stuck in the quagmire and unable to get out."

Life is too short to let other people make you miserable. Don't give anyone permission to do so. And if those people are your "friends", go make better friends!


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Death By Powerpoint

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