Happy Holidays?

What's happened to us? Our society has slowly become one filled with fear, paranoia, and angst. To wit, this article from USA today which requires volunteer Santas to sign a clause protecting the US Postal Service from lawsuits and complaints:

Volunteer Santas have to sign a clause - USATODAY.com

All in the name of prevention, since no complaints have been filed about this service.

Lest you think, "It's because they're Americans!" here is something else on the Australian front:

Santas warned 'ho ho ho' offensive to women - Yahoo! News

For Pete's sake! "Ha! Ha! Ha?"

It gets better:

Santa told to slim down for Christmas to 'set a good example' | the Daily Mail

Sigh!

My understanding is that Christmas, and the Holiday Season in general, is supposed to be about joy, fun, and happiness. Why legislate to make the fun disappear?

Volunteers who reply to little kids' letters to Santa are giving the most precious gift we have: time. It makes the kids feel good, it makes the volunteers feel good. Why instill fear now?

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" is a rounder, fuller, warmer sound than "Ha! Ha! Ha!" It's already cold outside in the winter (well, in Canada it is), why remove the warmth?

And if your kids are taking nutrition advice from Santa, there's a larger problem to address.

I remember in my youth, the promises of the mythical "Leisure Society" where we would have more fun and play than ever before. I wonder when and why we decided to take a direction that is the completely opposite.

Ethics, politics, and storytelling

Christmas is coming; my kids need new clothes; I'm flat broke but my friends and family expect me to display a certain lifestyle. I think I'll go rob a bank. The judge will understand.

Sounds preposterous, doesn't it? Yet, that's what it sounds like when a former politician says: "I accepted money because I was broke and I had a lifestyle to preserve." The act is then brushed off as a "colossal mistake." Never mind that he, Brian Mulroney, denied for years that he ever took the money. (For more background information on this, please see this Globe and mail article.) Although it is yet to be proven that Mr. Mulroney acted illegally, it does toe the lign of proper ethical conduct very closely.

Ethical conduct is closely tied to one's values. Being ethical means that you are being honest and you act with integrity. As I once heard, integrity is acting the same way whether people see you or not. So in the case of Mr. Mulroney, a simple way to know if it was ethical or not is to ask: "Would you have done it in front of a camera with people watching?"

Ethical conduct is something we constantly face in the world of professional speaking. In one of my study groups, a few weeks ago there was a heated debate about storytelling. Storytelling is a central part of public speaking. You can get your points across much faster and more easily when you tell stories to illustrate them.

Some stories have become so popular that most professional speakers cringe at the thought of hearing it one more time. Examples include The Starfish Story and The US Aircraft Story. The act of using those stories in and of itself is not unethical; it just shows that as a speaker, you lack originality.

However, many speakers will tell stories that they heard somewhere else and act as if it is their own stories. And sometimes, they even believe it is their own stories. Telling someone else's story and taking credit for it is considered highly unethical in the speaking business. Once people realize you've been lying, your credibility takes a big hit and your reputation is severely tarnished. It can take a long time to recover from something like that.

If you decide to use public speaking as part of, or as all of your professional endeavours, you can prevent such a situation from happening to you.

• Make a decision to use very little of someone else's material. If all of your stories are original, it will be very unlikely that someone else tells the same story. It can happen, though. I know one speaker who told a story that was eerily similar to another speaker's story, which I had read in a book. When I confronted him with it, he maintained that the story was his, even after I cited the author, the book, and the page where I originally read the story. Is it possible that he had a similar experience, but in a different context and location. It should be noted, though, that I've never heard him tell the story again.
• If you need to use someone else's material, get permission or at least give proper attribution. I've been bitten by this one, myself. I reported someone else's story, from my perspective. I gave proper attribution, saying it was not my story but my impressions about something that happened to someone else. I told the story's protagonist about it after the fact, and he was not too pleased about it. I made some factual mistakes and I did not get his permission beforehand, which was damaging to him. I made corrections afterwards and he was okay with it, but that's still a black mark on me.
• Don't toe the line. If it feels awkward to do something or say something to an audience, don't. Now, that doesn't mean you cannot push the envelope. It means that you have to push it ethically, so if you are challenged on what you say or do, you have solid facts to explain your decisions and your actions.
  

Too often, ethics become situational. We will act ethically when others are present or looking, but act unethically when nobody is around to supervise.

In Mr. Mulroney's case, there will be an inquiry to determine whether he acted illegally or not. If he is at fault, he will probably be asked to repay the money in some form, or the matter may be taken to court. If not, he will be cleared but his reputation will still have been tarnished.

For the rest of us, life goes one. Yet every day, situations will come up which beg an answer to the following question: would I do this if there was a camera filming me?

The first words are the most important

Seth Godin's blog is an excellent illustration of why it is so important to have a good introduction to your speech:

Seth's Blog: Sorry to talk so long...

I especially like the way he likens a speech to a gift. You wouldn't apologize for offering a gift to someone. Why apologize for speaking, unless you really have nothing to say? And if you have nothing to say... why are you there?

About brevity: he mentions that he saw this behaviour at a gala. In galas, people usually have a drink or two. Once that happens, it is much tougher to hold the crowd's attention.

If you speak for more than a couple of minutes, gala attendees will tend to lean over to their neighbours and whisper: "This is kinda long, don't you think." A response will follow: "Yeah, really. I was at this gala honouring Such N. Such the other day and..."

"You were there? So was I, how come we never met? How did you find it?"

"Well, let me tell you..."

"Shhh..... I'm trying to listen!"

This tends to be repeated over and over again until eventually, speakers are drowned in the... hush of the crowd.

The best remedy? Get to the point immediately, conclude quickly, go back and have some fun!

The bliss of raking leaves

We have a big yard with many venerable trees.. At times it is a blessing and at times it is a curse. When fall season comes around, it is a curse! I don't like raking leaves and I dread the chore every year.

When we first moved to our house, I used to invite a whole bunch of friends to come over and help my wife and I pick up the leaves. We'd take about a day, six or eight of us. Well... some of us would work, others would socialize. So for the cost of a few pizzas, and lots of fun, we filled up 60 to 75 bags of leaves every year.

But then, things began to change. Everyone got married, bought houses, and had children. All of a sudden, my yard was no longer as important. So I stopped asking them to come over to take care of the yard. Yes, if you can read between the lines, it was also to make sure I didn't have to go to their place to rake their leaves...

So these past few years, I've been doing it by myself. The routine goes like this: I wait until all the leaves fall, then I pick a weekend and in two days, I pick up all those 60-75 bags. It takeas about 14 to 16 hours.

This year, I only had one day to do the work and it had to be completed this weekend. So instead of raking the leaves, I pulled out my lawn mower and used it instead. It took me between 6 and 7 hours to do the entire yard and I filled only 33 bags.

So by now, you're probably thinking: "Ok, that's nice but what does cleaning your yard have to do with anything?" Bear with me, there is a point!

I did the same work in 50% of the time, using about 50% of the resources. And I did this simply by taking the tools I already had, but using them differently.

So how can this be applied in life and at work? What tools do you have at your disposal which could help increase your productivity? Which tools do you have at your disposal that you are not using to their full potential? I've taught Excel to many people in the past couple of years and many of the shortcuts I teach come as a big surprise to the audience members. Many have mentioned that those simple shortcuts would considerably increase their productivity.

When you increase your productivity, there are a number of benefits: you have more time at your disposal, you can get paid more, and if you do it right, it can also reduce stress.

Increasing productivity doesn't mean you have to shoot for 50% at a time. Alan Weiss, consultant extraordinaire, says that simply increasing by 1% every day is sufficient. If you do this continually, after 70 days you will have doubled your productivity. It just requires focus, persistence and determination. In other words, discipline.

Although it is a simple concept, I find it can be tough to decide which task or which aspect of my life will yield the best 1% yield. I guess it's al part of the learning process.

Dealing with the media

One of my clients had an unfortunate experience with the media. This client has a great story to tell, and hopefully someday you can hear him. Since I don't have his permission to give out his name, let's call him Mike.

He was offered an interview with a local TV station to talk about his battle to survive after a terrible accident.

During the interview, the reporter kept probing to get more details about Mike's life, but Mike kept pushing back. Eventually, Mike asked the reporter to turn off the camera and then he proceeded to tell him that he did not want certain parts of his life revealed on camera. Mike explained to the reporter that some of the details of his life were unknown to people that were close to him, and he didn't want them to hear about it on TV before hearing it from him.

The reporter listened to him and told him, "I understand. Trust me." Mike did, and the interview went on.

The reporter kept telling Mike how inspirational he was and what a great story this made and how priviledged he felt about meeting someone like him.

That same evening, on the news, there was Mike's story. Mike was ecstatic and all excited. The story lasted about 2 minutes, 30 seconds. The first minute was fine. But the last 90 seconds focused on the parts of his life that Mike had specifically requested be kept off TV.

Mike was furious and he called the TV station, but the damage had been done. Furthermore, the reporter made sure that Mike understood that he was doing his job, and that he had done a mighty fine job at that.

A few lessons to learn from this situation:

• Don't trust a reporter: Sorry to say, but reporters will report what sells. What sells, in today's market, are sensationalist stories. Bad news sells. If a reporter says, "Trust me, it's only between you and me'' that's not enough. Always request that what you say is off the record. Most reporters are honest enough to respect an order to be off the record but you need to verify all the time. Do so by answering every question with, "This is off the record, right?"
  
  
• Don't say what you don't want to see or hear on the air: when you are interviewed, make sure you have a clear idea of what you want to hear on the radio or the TV. If you do, you can always refuse to answer questions on the basis that it isn't something you wish to discuss. It will make the reporter angry, but it prevents any unwelcomed surprises.
  
  
• Get expectations clear from the start: before you agree to an interview, make sure you are clear on the objectives of the interview. Make sure you know what angle is pursued and make sure the reporter sticks to it. You never have to agree to an interview if you don't agree with the premise. And even if you agree to the interview, you don't have to answer any question if you aren't interested in doing so.
  
  
• Stay on message: if you are being interviewed, it is probably because the reporters want an opinion from you or want you to comment on something specific. Decide ahead of time what you want to say, and stay on message. Repeat your message as often as needed and make sure every answer you give supports that message.
  

Mike's situation is unfortunate but he isn't the first nor the last person to be "taken to the cleaners" by unscrupulous reporters. Remember what happened to Newt Gingrich's mother when she was interviewed by Connie Chung.

Chung asked her what Gingrich (President Bill Clinton's biggest critic at the time) thought of Hillary Clinton. Gingrich's mother refused to answer so Chung asked her to "just whisper it to me, just between you and me." Gingrich's mother, thinking it was not going to air, replied: "He thinks she's a bitch." Of course, the comment aired.

The next time you are asked to be interviewed, make sure you do your homework beforehand and don't agree to anything that will shed a negative light on you.

Ask specific questions

Yesterday, I started an exercise that I hadn't done in long time: making a list of my knowledge and my skills. After about two pages for each, I drew a blank. So I turned to my wife, who was sitting beside me, and asked her: "Honey, what am I really good at?"

After she told me, it made me realise how important it is to be very specific in your questions, if you want to get the answer you need. In my case, I should have asked: "Honey, what am I really good at that I can use to improve the life of people outside of the family?"

Information is what you say. Communication is what the other person understands.

Information is a one way street. Communication is a multi-lane highway.

To improve your communication skills, make sure your messages are properly understood by the people who listen to you. Besides asking specific questions, there are some simple ways to do that. Let's assume you are speaking to one person:

• Ask the person to repeat what she understood. When she does, listen for any discrepancies and clarify if need be.
• Look her in the eye. Always make sure she is looking at you when you are speaking. Especially if she is busy doing something else (like answering email, speaking on the phone, or using her PDA). If she is not looking and seems to have her attention elsewhere, stop talking and wait.
• Listen for more than words. Listen for tone of voice, body language, intentions, and so on.

The key word, here, is "listen". As many have said, in order to better communicate, listen twice as much as you speak.

Forgive and move on

A recent story in the local paper covered one of Quebec's most talented artists, Patrick Huard.

Huard gained fame first as a comedian. He then made a successful transition to the screen and has acted in more than 10 movies. One of his movies, Bon Cop Bad Cop, is the most successful Canadian box office hit of all time. This year, he is directing his first movie, Three Little Pigs.

During his interview, Huard says that some directors have complained that he is taking work away from them. They are saying that he should not direct a film because he hasn't studied the craft like they have.

Huard also says that he got the same type of flak when he made a transition from comedian to acting.

This is isn't the first time, and it won't be the last, that people get upset because someone tries to shake up the status quo. The first reaction is jealousy and often an attempt to stop the mavericks.

Think of the first women or the first Blacks who wanted to vote. Many were not too keen about the idea.

Think of the first civilians who want to attempt space flight. NASA was not too keen about the idea. All of a sudden, the grueling training that astronauts receive doesn't seem that important anymore. It takes away some of the panache of space flight.

I remember a few years ago, there was a dispute in Quebec about the profession of computer programmer. Engineers wanted to change some statutes to ensure that unless you had an engineering diploma, you could not call yourself "a programmer".

The problem with this is that when you let jealousy get the best of you, it prevents you from moving forward. Why? Because you are constantly fighting a battle to prevent things from progressing.

Jealousy, or holding a grudge, is like a poison flowing through your veins. And if you leave it unchecked, it slowly takes over you, clouds your judgement, and destroys your life.

In his program, "The Psychology of Achievement", Brian Tracy spends some time discussing forgiveness. He says, and I believe, that until you have forgiven and let go of the past, you cannot achieve ultimate success. Something will always be holding you back.

So, if you find yourself seething because someone else has something you don't, if you find yourself angry at people in your life, if your feelings towards other people are keeping you from getting to where you want to be in life, it may be time to forgive.

Forgiving will change much of your perspective on life. Once you have made a conscious decision to forgive, it's as if a weight is suddenly lifted from your shoulders.

I did this a very long time ago, without realizing how important it was to my further development as a human being, as a son, as a brother, as a friend, as a husband, and as a father.

I realize, now, that forgiveness is essential in business also. Many times, I have seen people go into a business deal with an aggressive attitude, with an attitude that says "You are not going to take advantage of me!" This makes it difficult to discuss, understand, and negotiate with a prospect or partner.

Someone who goes into a business endeavor with that attitude may have been wounded in the past. And because that wound still hurts, he may not accept that the person at the other end of this deal is not "out to get him". He will negotiate with a little voice constantly nagging in the back of his head. The little voice will be saying, "He wants to take you to the cleaners. He just wants to make money at your expense. He's going to take advantage of you." (Let me assure you that the same thing happens to women also!)

If you want to silence that little voice, use the power of forgiveness. Here it is in three steps:

1. Forgive your parents: most parents do the best they can with their children. And still, we (the parents) manage to mess up. Forgive your parents, completely. You don't need to tell them if your relationship with them is not conducive to such a discussion. Forgiveness is for you, not for them.
2. Forgive other people: forgive anyone who has ever hurt you, no matter what they did. Once again, you do not have to tell them that you forgive them. Just do it.
3. Forgive yourself: this may be the toughest one of all. Forgive yourself for all of the stoopid things you did in your life, whether you did it to others, or you did it to yourself.

Although this is easy to write, I realise that it is not necessarily easy to do. It took me years to go through the process. And periodically, I still need to forgive myself for the "bad things" I do.

What has helped me to forgive? Speaking to happy people. Reading about people who are happy with their lives. Having a good support group does wonders also.

I have learned, over time, to give every one the benefit of the doubt. To err is human, to forgive is divine. And it's much easier to let it go than it is to hang on to a grudge for a lifetime.