Let it go, already!

I had an interesting online discussion about this article:

ESPN - Slur incident at VMI sets WVU's Stewart on defensive - College Football

In case you chose not to read it, here is the gist: over 10 years ago, Bill Stewart, then a coach at Virginia Military Institute, used a racial slur (the N word) while talking to a student.

Today, he has been hired as a coach for a new school yet the school still has to defend their choice.

The incident occurred more than 10 years ago, Stewart explained what happened, apologized, resigned. What, does he have to sacrifice his first born on TV for people to just let it go and move on? Please!

We've all done idiotic things in our past, and we will continue making mistakes in the future. Very seldom should people be castigated for life because of their mistakes.

There is a larger issue here, which is that of language. The use of the N word is highly emotional, and can skewer one's perception of the message. This can often lead to miscommunication because we fixate on that single word instead of look at the bigger picture.

In this case, Stewart's intent was clear: he wanted to teach the young man that his antics could draw the ire of people in his community. His choice of words left to be desired.

One of my cousins told me something that sounds like this: "A n..... is the one that steals, does drugs and otherwise acts the fool."

No doubt you will be faced with situations where someone uses a word or phrase that you find highly offensive. What can you do?

• Before dismissing that person's comments outright, take a moment. Breathe.
  
• Unless the person is displaying an oft-repeated behaviour pattern, assume the best intentions. It's amazing how much less stressful life can be if you don't expect the worst from people.
  
• Then ask the person to clarify his/her intent. A simple question like "What do you mean by that?" can go a long way.

If after those simple steps, it becomes clear to you that the person had ill intentions, then walk away.

You're only as good as your word

NBC, the American television network, has decided to refund advertisers because it had promised them a certain level of performance and didn't live up to it.

Now, I don't know the specifics of the deal and I don't know if they were obliged to do so by contract, or not. My understanding is that when these situations occur, networks usually give advertisers credit for future ad sales. NBC has taken it further and decided to refund. Good on them.

I can't help but think of my own situation with my service providers. During the month of October, I had to switch my Web hosting to a different company. I had to go through 3 companies before I found the one that worked.

The first company I tried was Canaca, a Canadian company. I went with them because on their front page it says:

If you become dissatisfied with your web hosting service for any reason, you will receive a
full refund (minus domain name registration fee)

After two weeks of usage, I began getting complaints from people telling me that when they sent me email, it bounced backk to them. I also noticed that some of my mail was not reaching its destination. So I located another service provider, signed up with them and cancelled my account with Canaca. Or so I thought.

In followup emails after asking for cancellation, I received this message:

Also note that the 30 day money back guarantee is not a trial. It's a guarantee of service that we had promised you. If you have become unsatisfied with our services with the first 30 days due to "service that we promised you but did not provide", canaca.com will refund your hosting fee. If the issue is related to something that we did not promise you to provide then this 30 day money back guarantee will not apply. Also you are not in 30 days money back guarantee any more.

All of a sudden, now that I am not satisfied, the 30-day guarantee applies to "service that we promised you but did not provide", not "if you become dissatisfied with your web hosting service for any reason."

As if that was not enough, I noticed this little ditty on the bill from the company:

1. We have lowered our US --> CND exchange rate from 1.3 to 1.2

So, because I am a Canadian customer, paying a Canadian company, I am being charged a 20% premium on my bill. This, mind you, occurred when the Canadian dollar was at par, if not higher than the American dollar.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of paying the bill when I received my credit card statement. I really should not have done that. Now it's going to take a while to get that money back. If I ever do, that is.

A personal and a corporate reputation can only be built on whether you are true to your word, or not. It is also built on integrity and ethical conduct. In this case, Canaca does not make the grade.

Ethics, politics, and storytelling

Christmas is coming; my kids need new clothes; I'm flat broke but my friends and family expect me to display a certain lifestyle. I think I'll go rob a bank. The judge will understand.

Sounds preposterous, doesn't it? Yet, that's what it sounds like when a former politician says: "I accepted money because I was broke and I had a lifestyle to preserve." The act is then brushed off as a "colossal mistake." Never mind that he, Brian Mulroney, denied for years that he ever took the money. (For more background information on this, please see this Globe and mail article.) Although it is yet to be proven that Mr. Mulroney acted illegally, it does toe the lign of proper ethical conduct very closely.

Ethical conduct is closely tied to one's values. Being ethical means that you are being honest and you act with integrity. As I once heard, integrity is acting the same way whether people see you or not. So in the case of Mr. Mulroney, a simple way to know if it was ethical or not is to ask: "Would you have done it in front of a camera with people watching?"

Ethical conduct is something we constantly face in the world of professional speaking. In one of my study groups, a few weeks ago there was a heated debate about storytelling. Storytelling is a central part of public speaking. You can get your points across much faster and more easily when you tell stories to illustrate them.

Some stories have become so popular that most professional speakers cringe at the thought of hearing it one more time. Examples include The Starfish Story and The US Aircraft Story. The act of using those stories in and of itself is not unethical; it just shows that as a speaker, you lack originality.

However, many speakers will tell stories that they heard somewhere else and act as if it is their own stories. And sometimes, they even believe it is their own stories. Telling someone else's story and taking credit for it is considered highly unethical in the speaking business. Once people realize you've been lying, your credibility takes a big hit and your reputation is severely tarnished. It can take a long time to recover from something like that.

If you decide to use public speaking as part of, or as all of your professional endeavours, you can prevent such a situation from happening to you.

• Make a decision to use very little of someone else's material. If all of your stories are original, it will be very unlikely that someone else tells the same story. It can happen, though. I know one speaker who told a story that was eerily similar to another speaker's story, which I had read in a book. When I confronted him with it, he maintained that the story was his, even after I cited the author, the book, and the page where I originally read the story. Is it possible that he had a similar experience, but in a different context and location. It should be noted, though, that I've never heard him tell the story again.
• If you need to use someone else's material, get permission or at least give proper attribution. I've been bitten by this one, myself. I reported someone else's story, from my perspective. I gave proper attribution, saying it was not my story but my impressions about something that happened to someone else. I told the story's protagonist about it after the fact, and he was not too pleased about it. I made some factual mistakes and I did not get his permission beforehand, which was damaging to him. I made corrections afterwards and he was okay with it, but that's still a black mark on me.
• Don't toe the line. If it feels awkward to do something or say something to an audience, don't. Now, that doesn't mean you cannot push the envelope. It means that you have to push it ethically, so if you are challenged on what you say or do, you have solid facts to explain your decisions and your actions.
  

Too often, ethics become situational. We will act ethically when others are present or looking, but act unethically when nobody is around to supervise.

In Mr. Mulroney's case, there will be an inquiry to determine whether he acted illegally or not. If he is at fault, he will probably be asked to repay the money in some form, or the matter may be taken to court. If not, he will be cleared but his reputation will still have been tarnished.

For the rest of us, life goes one. Yet every day, situations will come up which beg an answer to the following question: would I do this if there was a camera filming me?